So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
