Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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