Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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