Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
