nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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