Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
