I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
