Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
