I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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