what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
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