Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
