my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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