im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
