morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
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