If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
