Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
