There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
