and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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