is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I could make wine with my vomit
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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