one word: firstdatebathroomanal
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
