dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
You are a genius and a whore.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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