she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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