I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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