I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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