I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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