Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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