i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
