WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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