i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Non-Jews are for practice
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
