My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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