Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
