How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
