Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
