Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
