can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
