I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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