It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
