i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
