Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
