I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
