We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
