Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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