Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
