i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
