Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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