Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
