True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
