grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
