I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
