you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
