just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
