I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
