Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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