we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Randomize
