I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Randomize
